Alright. So today I am going to pay a debt to my inner nerd. If you do not wish to participate in this explosion of nerd, you can stop reading now. If you do wish to read, continue at your own risk; I would advise that if you have not yet read the third book in the Hunger Games series, you read this at a later date. You have been warned.
So last night I was snap chatting a friend who was baby sitting. Because this friend is an amazing baby sitter, the movie of the night for those kids was The Hunger Games. I agreed that it was important to know who Katniss is in order to grow up properly in this generation. Then I got a snap chat that pretty much changed my life. The picture was of President Snow, and the caption was 'the 5yr old thinks snow is Santa.'
My first thought? The kid's got a valid point.
Apart from the stereotypical white beard, Snow has cameras everywhere. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. Who else would have that kind of technology figured out? Seriously. One wrong move from anyone and they are subject to severe punishment, sometimes death... something to keep in mind. Plus, his last name is SNOW, and he does show up to Katniss' house randomly.
Also keep in mind: what do all the naughty children get?
Coal. Coal everyone. District 12? Coal mining.
So now, after years of wondering, I can now reveal to you WHAT happened to the world before Panem, WHY it is that way, and WHY Santa is...... wait for it..... NOT REAL.
It all starts when WWIII reaches its peak; mass destruction, all major cities targeted, most of the world is in complete chaos and ruin. A nuclear bomb target coordinates are miscalculated by the idiot intern working for the Brazilian government (Obviously a deatheater). Instead of hitting Greenland, It is largely overshot and hits the North Pole. War. Terrible War.
The bomb hit and caused terrible destruction to the factories, causing thousands and thousands of casualties of elves. With everything destroyed, Santa was devastated. With the remaining few hundred elves, he mourned the deaths of his deceased hard workers, as well as the massive blow to the citizens of the world he so diligently looked after and brought presents too these many years. After the sadness came the anger, and after the anger came the revenge.
So, with all of the major political leaders gone, the only authority figure left was Santa himself. So he came down, changed his name to Snow, and organized the remaining citizens of the world the only way he knew: North Pole style. Up there, different sections of elves had specialized in different toy making. So, he divided the people on the largest remaining stretch of land into 13 districts, each having their own tasks to preform to make the system functional. At first, everything went very smoothly. The citizens that misbehaved did the work that he thought to be undesirable in the outlying districts. Coal mining, which is what he made the misbehaving elves do up at the North Pole, was one of the biggest dishonors he could think of. Then there was something new he hated even more than Coal, which was warfare, particularly nuclear warfare, which is what district 13 specialized in.
So things ran smoothly. The remaining elves lived with Snow in the Capitol, continuing to make toys for Christmas. Snow had new cameras made and placed so he could observe and tally the good and bad of the people so that there could still be Christmas... a light in a world that had been in dark warfare for so long.
However Snow, still an inexperienced world leader, didn't see the major flaw in this thinking. Punish the misbehaving people by forcing them to make nuclear weaponry? WELL OF COURSE THEY REBELLED!!!! Jealous of the happiness and wealth of the Capitol, they decided to retaliate... because they could... they have bombs...
Just a thought: think about it; the Capitol citizens are always happy, and very innocent and naive. Obviously they're elves.
So obviously this made Snow furious because he thought they were targeting Christmas, and that they wanted to end it all. So he did what needed to be done, he buried them under ground and told them to keep quiet... kind of like an eternal time out, and threatened to completely destroy them if they rebelled again. But their first rebellion finally put him over the edge. He got it into his mind that all of the world citizens were responsible for the North Pole being bombed in the first place. So he took away the Christmas tradition, deciding that they just didn't appreciate it or want it anymore. This broke his heart and filled him with bitterness and vengeance. So, he decided punish them once a year, as a reminder of the joy and happiness they took from him, the elves, and the millions of families and children all over the world who would now never have presents from Santa again. He wanted them to make a sacrifice like the one he made. He also decided to make it symbolic of how the world thought it was alright to ruthlessly kill each other to the point of near extinction. So, he decided to start the Hunger Games as a reminder that this could never be allowed to happen again.
And of course things were said and advertised so very well that the people understood why this was the case and why this was a tradition. The hardest part was that It was Santa... Everyone loved Santa. Only a few knew how Santa even got to be Santa, and knew his true poisonous and manipulative nature and how he rose to power (ahem, finick...) and inevitably things got a little out of hand, and Snow got even more power hungry, which is why the second rebellion happened.
Just a quick thought... Ever heard of the Christmas Rose? Ya.
So finally, Snow dies. This causes good, but generally mixed feelings for the people. I mean, he was Santa, and they kind of drove him to insanity. The more they thought and stewed about it, the more guilty they felt about starting the third world war in the first place. The newly formed government even decided to make a trackerjacker injection specifically designed to take away the guilt of it all. This also went a little wrong, and completely erased the memory of Santa before he was Snow. Meaning that, well.... suddenly Santa was never.... REAL.
Now I know what your thinking. WWIII hasn't even happened yet. How can we already be thinking that Santa isn't real?
Hold on to your nerd belts. This is about to get intense. This is where the Doctor comes in. He knew before hand that all of this was a fixed point in time. So, being the Time Lord that he is, Quantum launches the decision made that started WWIII into a different dimension, or parallel world, running about 300 years behind this world, and then prevented that decision from being made. However, there are often close similarities between parallel worlds, and there have been some leaks since then, which is why we now say that Santa isn't real.
Now, at this point, I am going to stop. I could go on to explain how, in the same parallel world, in the ruins of Chicago (District 2) they gathered together all of the Amity and Dauntless Divergent people to the capital and mutated them into what the Doctor knows as The Order of the Silence, and then, after traveling to Asguard, joined forces with Heimdall to jump dimensions into our world so that every time we even thought about all of this history that's leaking out of the walls of reality from that parallel world, they would inject us with a short term memory serum that would erase them, as well as what we were thinking about, and all of the authors and writers of these stories are just.... you know.... divergent.... and they can resist the serum which is why they wrote the stories in the first place....
Buuuuuuuut that's another story for another time when I'm feeling even more nerdier than today.
But hold up. If we are starting to remember everything that happened in that parallel world, that means that the walls of reality are breaking down which means only one thing...
BAD WOLF.
Timey-wimey... wibbly-wobbely.. ball of stuff....
Wow. That was nerd throw up. It's alright if you don't understand the last couple of paragraphs. The ones before that were the main ones I needed to get off my chest. Whew. I'm glad I got all that down before I forgot.... I don't want to forget... I promise I'm done now. :)
What if I told you that Santa was a Time Lord?
Don't even get me started on Sherlock Holmes and the Easter Bunny.
Ok. Seriously done now. Too much nerd. I have all the nerd.
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